This post isn't so much an article as just thoughts... so bear with me. :)
Lately I've kind of been wondering who people think I am. To some people, I'm the brain from school. To others, I'm the girl at church with the really long hair. Maybe I'm the girl who sings really loud. Maybe I'm the girl with glasses. To some of you, I might just be a green and black computer screen, because all you know of me is what you see on this blog. Maybe I'm the girl you see at church or at school but don't really talk to. Maybe I'm one of your best friends. I hope some people (okay, I hope LOTS of people) think I'm a nice girl who's got her head on straight. I might have hurt some of you. Maybe some people think I'm annoying. Maybe some people can't stand me.
Just a couple of thoughts:
1) No matter what my reputation is, no matter who you think I am, whether good or bad, God knows exactly who I am. In fact, He knows me better than I know myself. He knows if I'm a "pew sitter" or if I'm truly worshipping. He knows what I do when I'm by myself. He knows if I'm sincere or not in my love for the people around me.
"For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7
Doesn't my outward appearance include my actions as well as how I physically look? Sure, some people might stereotype me based simply on my outward appearance, but more than likely people judge me based on what they see me do and say. It's very possible to look like a great, spiritual person when you are, in fact, not. I think I struggle with this more than I should. I feel like a lot of people think I'm this great person (not to be full of myself or anything), but in reality, I struggle a lot. My faith falters way more than it should. I'm real good at talking the talk, but can I walk the walk? I'd appreciate your prayers for that.
2) There's one thing I want to be to all of you, no matter who else I am to you. Whether I'm the girl with the long hair or the nerd or whatever else to you, I want people's first thought when they hear my name to be: "Oh, that's the Christian girl." I want it to be *that* obvious what I believe and how I live. I want my name to be inseparably linked to the Lord and his church. And if I'm resented or disliked, as weird as it sounds, I want to be resented or disliked BECAUSE I'm a Christian. Not that I want anyone to resent Christianity, but I want that to be the only fault people can find with me, because that's not an actual fault, if that makes any sense... it makes sense in my head. Even if you're my best friend in the whole world and you have millions of other connotations with my name, I want you to be able to honestly think, "Oh, her. That's the friend I can look up to spiritually, that will always give me good spiritual advice and bring me closer to God."
Now, don't get me wrong, none of this is on any of you. I'm not telling you this is how you're supposed to think of me. I have to EARN that. I have to get to the point where you can't help but think of me that way. That's my goal.
"I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me; and the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." -Gal. 2:20
Thanks for reading my ramblings... ~green eyes :)